The Pacific Ocean, 1961

                 In the middle of summer of 1961, my family (along with three other missionary families) climbed aboard the “ Santa Cecilia" in New York  City Harbor.  It was a cargo ship that made room for approximately 52 passengers who were moving to or touring South America. The ship provided cheaper transportation than the airlines plus had the added convenience of carrying personal belongings in large crates. This fact was important to our family since my parents were told to bring all the furniture and clothes they would need for the next five years. Mother also had to purchase other items that were unavailable in South America at that time such - as sanitary napkins.  I still carry the memory of me opening a trunk full of Kotex stacked one on top of the other. Dad had taken them out their original boxes in order to save room.  At the time I didn’t know what they were but was apparently traumatized by assuming they were bandages to dress the wounds we were sure to receive wherever we were going.

            I remember the peculiar odor of iron, steel, and grease that permeated us on our three week trip to South America. The feel of the metal railings changed as we crossed the Panama Canal and got closer to our destination. In the middle of summer in New York City they had felt warm—sometimes hot. As we crossed the Equator they turned cold, much like the spray of the tall waves that rocked the ship as we entered winter. Looking out over the ocean it was difficult to discern where the water ended and the where the sky began-- as if our boundaries had been erased. I didn’t feel well and I now believe that I was feeling the first of what later became my companion until this day, my anxiety monster.

My father found me looking out into the sea. He had given me strict orders not to get close to the railings and I had obeyed; yet the endless grey had distorted any perception of depth. He quietly held my hand and looked out at sea with me. I knew I had to ask although I feared the answer. With quievering lips, the words finally came. "Daddy, have we left the world yet?"